How to Be Someone Else Page 16

  “I imagine that Alex feels the same way.”

  I pinned my bottom lip between my teeth and shook my head. “Not this time, not anymore. I ruined everything. And now he’s not taking my calls.”

  “Have you tried reaching out to him in person?”

  “It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to see or talk to me. Maybe I should just let it go … let him go.”

  “Is that what you want?”

  Never.

  “No, of course not.”

  “Then go see him and apologize. From what I’ve heard, you two seem to have a very special relationship. I’d venture to say that he can’t stay away from you for too long.”

  Alex

  There was nothing left for me in Las Vegas. No reason to stay. Sure, it was the only home I’d known, but that wasn’t enough to keep me there.

  There was nothing that could make me stay. Not anymore.

  I closed my apartment door for the last time, sliding the key under the mat like my landlord had requested. I didn’t feel anything, really. It was just an apartment after all, and a pretty shitty one at that. It was never home.

  I already knew that I’d give myself over to Boston in a way I couldn’t here. Maybe it was something about starting over somewhere new, far away from everything that had hurt and failed me over time. In Boston, I would be with people who love and support me, and that was enough. It was time to get back on my feet.

  But first, there was someone I had to say goodbye to.

  I thought about what I might say to her on the drive over, how I could justify my leaving, but as I approached her door, I found I still had no idea what I was going to say. I rapped my knuckles on the door, before pushing on in.

  Monica looked up at me from behind her glass desk.

  “I don’t really know how to say this, and I know it’s terribly unprofessional of me, but I’m giving you my notice today. Right now, actually.”

  She studied me, curiously. “You’re finally moving on to better things than designing t-shirts for soccer moms, huh?”

  I swallowed. “Not exactly. I’m … moving to Boston.”

  Monica’s brows jumped. “Wouldn’t have pegged you for a winter boots and scarf kind of guy.”

  I smiled. “That’s because I’m not.”

  “So why Boston?”

  My eyes darted quickly to the wall behind her. When they fell back on her, I was surprised to see she was smiling.

  She slipped her foot onto the chair opposite her and pushed it towards me. “What happened between you and Penny?”

  I sat down slowly, my mind reeling. “It’s over … and it never even began.”

  Monica’s mouth formed into a straight line. “You can’t just run away from her.”

  “I’m not.”

  “You most certainly are. And I have to say that I’m quite surprised. You seem more like the kind of guy who sticks around and fights for what he wants.”

  My shoulders dropped. “It’s too complicated.”

  “The best love stories always are.”

  But I was already shaking my head. “She just keeps pushing me away, and somehow when we find our way back to each other, she finds yet another way to push me away. I can’t keep doing it to myself. I just can’t. It’s torture.”

  “Because you love her.”

  “Because I love her.”

  Monica smiled sadly.

  “Listen, I owe you an apology. I never meant—”

  She lifted her hand. “Please, don’t. There’s no need to apologize. Honestly, I’m glad I found out when I did. I could have really fallen for you, and it would have been so much worse if I’d found out then.” She sighed. “You’ve loved her for a long time, huh?”

  I nodded. “I think I always have; it just took me until recently to figure it out.”

  “And now that you have, you’re running away to Boston … putting thousands of miles between the two of you.”

  Yes, that was exactly what I was doing. Because I had to. Because Penny and I could never be together. We weren’t meant to be. “I have to.”

  She shrugged. “If you think so.” She shuffled some papers on her desk. “When do you leave?”

  I swallowed. “Tonight.”

  Monica huffed. “Wow. You sure don’t waste any time, do you?”

  I glanced out her office window. “Why wait? There’s nothing left for me here.”

  Chapter 42

  Penny

  “Every time he gets close, I push him away.”

  “Why?”

  I blinked away the threatening tears. “Because it’s what I do.”

  Dr. Scott took a breath. “I don’t believe that’s true.”

  “But it is … because it’s easier.”

  “Easier than what?”

  “The alternative.”

  “Which is?”

  I looked up from my lap, locking my eyes with his for only the second time that session. “He can’t hurt me if I don’t give him the chance.”

  Dr. Scott dropped his chin. “But what if he won’t hurt you?”

  It was a chance I knew I couldn’t take. I’d done enough damage already. “That’s the thing that we can’t ever know. And I can’t risk it. With anyone else I could … and did … but not with Alex. I wouldn’t survive that kind of heartbreak.”

  “You’re right that there are no guarantees in life, Penny, but to live in constant fear of what might happen … well, that’s not truly living. Considering what brought you here to see me in the first place, I understand your need for control, but here’s the thing: you can’t control anything but how you react.”

  I crawled into bed that night with Dr. Scott’s final words echoing in my head. Tomorrow I would go to Alex and beg him to forgive me. I wouldn’t leave until he agreed to give me a second chance. And then I’d spend the rest of our lives making it up to him.

  Alex

  The sun was just starting to rise when the plane touched down at Boston Logon airport. I watched through the window as the tarmac passed beneath me, the heaviness in my heart and body visibly lightening. A new day was beginning, marking the start of my new life.

  A life without Penny Williams in it.

  I knew now more than ever what we needed was space, that maybe it was all about giving her time to sort through her feelings without me getting in the way. Maybe somewhere down the line we could be friends again. If that was even possible.

  I felt the shape of my phone through the pocket of my jeans ignoring the urge to turn it on and check for a text or call from Penny. I knew those would come later with increasing urgency when she found out I’d left. I didn’t know what I was going to say.

  Thirty minutes later I was in Amy’s car, speeding through Boston traffic heading towards … home. She’d pulled me into her arms the moment I stepped out of baggage claim, and though I wouldn’t admit it, it was staggering just how much a simple hug had helped. Or maybe it was knowing I would finally be among people who truly cared about me. Supported me. Wanted to see me happy.

  She seemed thinner than when I’d seen her last, and she smiled like a mad woman when I told her so. She looked just like our mom, dark hair with dark eyes to match.

  “How was your flight?”

  I kept my eyes focused on the passing scenery. “It was hard.”

  I didn’t have to explain what I meant. The reality of what I was doing, of what I was leaving behind, was obvious.

  “The girls are really excited to see you. How long has it been, anyway?”

  I glanced at her. “I don’t even know. Too long.”

  Our conversation faded into silence as I watched my new city pass by through the car window.

  “You’ll like it here,” Amy was saying as we stepped through her front door twenty minutes later. “People are friendly, and there’s plenty to do around town. Plus, there’s —”

  A chorus of cheers erupted around us and two pairs of tiny arms wrapped themselves around my legs. I looked down t
o see a mess of curly, blonde hair, one head undecipherable from the other. “Good God, you girls got big!”

  I really couldn’t recall the last time I had seen them. The truth was I’d always been too wrapped up in my own problems with work and money to think much about how my big sis was doing. Although I clearly had no reason to worry.

  Their house was huge by any standards, and though I didn’t know enough to say what kind of design it was or when it was built, I knew expensive when I saw it. I’d known she and Michael did well, but it was clear I hadn’t known the whole picture. I was pretty certain they would barely notice another body walking around in here.

  A large hand extended to shake mine. “Alex, it’s good to see you, man.”

  “You too, Mike.” I let my eyes wander over to the kitchen behind him. “Great place you’ve got here.”

  The smile that greeted me was one of genuine modesty. “Thanks, man.” He turned. “Can I get you some coffee?”

  I tossed my duffel bag onto the foot of the stairs. “Only if you’ve already got some made. I don’t want to put you to any trouble.”

  I followed him into the kitchen and sat at the island. He filled a cup with steaming hot coffee. “Black right?”

  I nodded and took the mug gratefully. It may have been the best coffee I’d ever tasted.

  “So what are your plans, Alex?”

  Amy appeared beside him and slapped his bicep. “He’s just gotten here, Michael. Would you give him a second to take a breath? He’s been through a lot.”

  I shot her a look I wasn’t quite sure conveyed what I thought of her comment. “It’s fine.” I turned to Mike. “I don’t really know, to be honest. Just getting away was a big step in the right direction. I probably should have done it a long time ago.”

  “Being stuck in a job where you’re unappreciated is terrible. It makes going into work a struggle. I should know; I did it for years.”

  I took a sip from my coffee. “Well, I’d venture to say it all worked out in the end.”

  “Sure it did, but I put in my time. We all do.”

  Amy sat down beside me. “It’s true, little brother. Besides, I think things are going to start looking up for you, too.”

  I smiled, feeling hopeful.

  “So, Ames told me you and Penny had some kind of falling out. What happened?”

  My smile fell. “I don’t even know. She’s been such a mess lately, sleeping around and drinking. It’s not like her.”

  Amy leaned forward. “She’s going through a tough time, Alex. Not everyone knows how to handle it well.”

  “I get that, but what I still don’t understand is why she had to push me away through it all. I mean, I’m her best friend. I would have thought it would be the other way around.”

  Michael set his coffee down and turned to me with hard set eyes. “It sounds to me like you’re more bothered by the fact she didn’t come crawling to you than you are that she’s having a rough time.”

  His words hit home. “Shit, you’re right. I’m a terrible person.”

  Amy chuckled. “You are not. You just know what you want.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Her,” Michael answered.

  Amy smiled and gave my forearm a squeeze. “Anyway, I have to get these little rug rats to daycare and get to the office. We set up the guest room for you. There’s a spare key on your bed and I’ll leave you the alarm code. Settle in and if you need anything, just give either of us a ring.” She jumped up from her chair. “It is really good to have you here.”

  “Thanks, Ames.”

  I sat and drank my coffee, watching Amy and Michael gather up the girls and their things and shuffle them out the door. It shut behind them with a loud click.

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket, powering it on for the first time since leaving Las Vegas the night before. There were three missed calls from Penny and a text from Monica wishing me all the happiness in Boston. It was the single voicemail that gave me the most trepidation.

  My thumb hovered over the voicemail icon, and though I knew it was pure masochism, I hit play. Penny’s voice filled the room.

  Alex, I know you’re mad, and you have every right to be, but you have to let me make this right. I was such an idiot. I was scared and I—

  I clicked out of the voicemail, deleting it immediately, unable and unwilling to hear the rest.

  I had to do what I’d moved here to do. It was time to let her go.

  Chapter 43

  Penny

  I tried to tell myself I would be fine without Alex. That I was fine without my memoir.

  Lie.

  I had stopped going to the coffee shop, stopped trying to find P.J. I stopped wondering how things may have turned out if I’d just kept my mouth shut. I’d brought it on myself. All of it.

  Truth.

  All these months I’d been running from that truth, convinced that if I poured enough alcohol down my throat or kept myself busy under the sheets with Ryan, or whomever else, that all my troubles would simply go away. If I ignored them long enough they would cease to exist. But that wasn’t the way life worked and it never would be. I needed to stop standing still. Stop simply existing.

  I dressed quickly, throwing my hair up in a messy bun as I descended the stairs two at a time. If Alex wouldn’t come to me, I’d go to him. I knew if given the chance I could get him to understand why I was so scared, why I had run away.

  I drove to his place in silence, allowing my thoughts to roam freely. I couldn’t help but feel like things were about to turn around. I still had one foot in the car when I spotted two men carrying a large roll of what looked to be carpet out of Alex’s apartment. My face formed into a frown as I shut the door and walked towards the apartment.

  “Excuse me,” I said, poking my head through the doorway. “What—”

  The words got caught up in my throat at the sight of Alex’s empty apartment. There was nothing left, no sign he had even lived there in the first place. My mouth felt thick as I stared at the bare floor. “The guy living here, where … where did he…?”

  There were two men pulling up the remaining carpet from the living room. They looked at each other before one of them turned to me, shrugging. “I couldn’t tell ya; we just got the call to gut the place before they rent it out again.”

  My heart was hammering so loudly that I could barely hear his response.

  What the hell was going on?

  I returned to my car and picked up my phone, dialing his number, slamming my hands against the steering wheel when it went to voicemail.

  Something was seriously wrong. Where the hell was Alex?

  I drove the seven miles to his parents’ place in record time, my tires squealing as I came to a stop at the curb in front of the house. I sprinted to the door and rang the bell, willing my heart rate to slow. There had to be a reasonable explanation. Maybe he had finally done the right thing and left that silly job and ungrateful boss behind, forcing him to move back home until he found something new.

  I rang the doorbell a second time. This time I could hear the faint sound of footsteps. I stepped back from the door as it swung open and Alex’s father filled the frame.

  He seemed surprised to see me. “Penny.” He looked past me. “Are you with Alex?”

  My face fell. “No. Actually, I was hoping that you knew where he was.”

  “Did you try his place?”

  So they hadn’t known either.

  “I … No, no, I didn’t. Um, thanks.”

  He looked at me curiously for a moment. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. See you later, Mr. Cole. Say hi to Mrs. Cole for me.”

  The ground below me seemed to shake as I walked back to my car.

  I had ruined everything, of that I was certain. I’d driven away everything good in my life because of my stubbornness and insecurities. Because of my fear.

  What a disaster everything had become.

  My mother was in the front yard p
icking weeds when I pulled up. She stilled as I climbed from the car. I kept my eyes down, willing her to let me walk by her without any questions. An empty wish, I knew.

  “Penny, are you okay?”

  I kept my eyes down as I passed her. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “You don’t look fine.”

  I kept walking, hoping she’d take the hint, but when I stepped into my bedroom, she was right behind me. I spun around to face her. “Mom, I really just want to be left alone.”

  After our last conversation, I was certain that she knew to keep her distance.

  “I don’t think—”

  I narrowed my eyes. “What don’t you understand? I don’t want to talk right now; I want to be left alone!”

  Her eyes grew wide at my outburst. “Okay … okay.”

  I slammed the door behind her, fed up and exhausted. But I had to think. Where could Alex have gone?

  My first thought was that he had moved home, but I was obviously wrong; so what were his other options? There was Talon, of course, but that didn’t seem likely. Alex told me on numerous occasions he never could spend too much time with Talon before becoming annoyed. It wouldn’t make sense for him to move in with him. Which left … who?

  I sank into my desk chair and pinched my eyes shut, fighting against tears. How could I have let things get so out of hand? If I had just swallowed my pride and apologized, then none of this would have happened. Alex would be here with me, not … wherever he was.

  I threw my arms out onto my desk and my head soon followed. I willed away the tears. The tips of my fingers brushed against something hard and I opened one of my eyes to see a paperback cracked open on my desk. Actually, it wasn’t just any paperback; I’d recognize that poppy red color anywhere. It was my copy of The Second Time Around, looking even more frayed and worn than when P.J. first gave it to me. It must have been the book my mother had been reading while I slept. I hadn’t touched it since long before P.J. disappeared.